Day 37 – Valentines Day

Breakfast was Cacao-Pow, juice, lunch was chicken, lemon, sea salt, basil quinoa over salad – more Cacao Pow—GREAT breakfast—I am still in a bit of a slump today may not be as bad as yesterday but definitely not as good as I was doing a few days ago.  I was excited about it being valentines day today and even went out to buy the stuff for our dinner.

Usually I would take my wife to a nice place to eat, but this year we have to really watch what we eat so we’ve decided to have dinner at home.  We went a little out of what some consider candida safe food and bought some shrimp for dinner, but we also bought some Ahi Tunu for dinner (which is candida friendly).  It was fairly expensive but we figure we still spent at least half what we would have had we gone out to dinner.

I did finish what I was hoping to yesterday and got my sweatie a card and also rose petals which I put all over our bedroom—I think she was pleased.

Here is a picture of the roses I got for her yesterday (Fire and Ice)

Lunch was large salad with—of course—quinoa, busy afternoon putting everything together and then dinner.  We ate just a little with our boys (more snacking really) and then when they went to bed we cooked (or really just seared) our Ahi Tuna—One of my most favorite things in the world is seared ahi tuna.  When work use to flip the bill for my mills when I traveled I use to try to go to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse the home—in my opinion—to the best seared ahi tuna around!

Dinner was an AWESOME we also cooked the shrimp with lemon, garlic, salt and basil.  We even tried to make sugar cookies without sugar and with gluten free flour (baking mix).  Here is the recipe http://dashingdish.com/recipe/skinny-sugar-cookies/ although we substituted the vanilla extract with coconut oil and also the butter with coconut oil to because we are off dairy, but we will try again with butter.  Also, since we are staying away from gluten we used the gluten free flower in place of the other flour—they even had the sugar cookie feel when done (hereis a picture of the dough, sorry I didn't get a picture of the finished cookies)—good day even though I have taken a slide in my progress!

Day 36 – Life Goes On!

Things felt better last night—I was feeling some of the anxiety disappear, the depression was really gone (and didn’t last that long anyway… at least yesterday) and my head seemed a little clearer.  Well… this morning was a pretty tough morning to get going, but then I noticed that many of my old symptoms had returned.  My ears felt more clogged than they have since beginning the program, I had a huge headache, I felt more anxious and my joints hurt.

I didn’t realize how bad the symptoms were before starting this cleanse, but if today is any indication of how they were then they were HORRIBLE.  I think of the relief of my symptoms as the reverse of a story most of us has probably heard about putting a frog in a pan of boiling water—if you put him into boiling water he’ll just jump right out, but if you put him into a pan filled with cool water and then start to boil it he’ll stay there until he boils to death (I guess I will say or until she boils to death—just to be fair).

Only instead of getting worse all my symptoms were slowly getting better; but, to be thrown back into some pretty serious symptoms felt like I was being thrown into a pot of boiling water and all I want to do is jump out, but the problem is I’m not positive how to jump out or where to jump out because I’m not completely sure what food caused my issue (although I am 90 percent or more sure it is wheat).

Sluggish day starting, but we did do our standard juice but added some collard greens for good measure (sweeter than kale, but a little more roughage).  Because my wife was really in a hurry and needed to get to work early we made our Cacao-Pow to go (we added steel cut oats, almond milk, cacao powder, stevia and maca powder).  CAPOW!  I know, slightly cheesy, but you’ve got to get entertainment where you can sometimes.

The morning and the whole day was rough—I felt very tired this morning (throughout the whole morning) and with the soar joints as well as a pain in my groin muscle (or there abouts) I didn’t feel like I could get much done.  One of the greatest blessings of the cleanse so far has been the anxiety I’ve felt for years disappearing.  Well it came back today with a vengeance (maybe not as bad as it was before, but definitely a lot worse than it’s been since beginning the cleanse).

All the self questioning kicks in and the fear of talking to people (which is something I’ve fought for a long time, but have always just forced myself to do it).  Today I had that same fear come back along with the shaking I used to get.  To make a long story short I had to go talk to an attorney today about the software I’m developing and before walking into the office it took me about 20 minutes to relax and talk myself into believing I would be able to do it without shaking to bad or getting too nervous. 

I HATE this feeling and really want to find out with a greater amount of certainty the cause.  I suppose the calm in this storm is that it came on so quickly that I was immediately able to recognize that something was wrong.  I can only imagine if the anxiety and other symptoms had started to re-appear slowly instead of so quickly how bad it may have been.  So at least now I know that something I ate bothered me and I will have to watch and make sure to avoid it (whatever it may be).

There is also one possibility that I have considered today… the healing crisis’s that those cleansing endure are—at times I am told—very difficult… it is possible that this is just a healing crisis which would explain some of the symptoms returning.  However, my only pause with that possibility is the number of symptoms that returned at the same time.  Headache, heavy anxiety and slight depression, joint pain, muscle pain and brain fogginess—even just mentioning the symptoms that have returned make me think something like the wheat.

My wife had a class she had to go to tonight so I was here with my boys alone and I was irritable… My poor boys probably thought they had done something wrong for me to be so ornery with them.  It isn’t so bad with my 8 year old because I can just explain to him that I am feeling a little more ornery than usual and that I’m sorry if I snap at him or make him feel bad, but I can’t really do that with my 4 year old—much harder for him to understand.

We made it through the night and had a kick-butt dinner (which felt like it took all night to prepare): lemon herb chicken with a medley of vegetables including: Kale, collard greens, onions, broccoli, red and yellow and orange peppers.  The veggies—along with the chicken—were sautéed in olive oil, basil, lemon juice, some coriander and sea salt to top it off.  It was GREAT, just a bit of preparation required.

I invited my mother-in-law over for some food tonight.  She was over here last night and we made her an egg omelet (sort of).  After she left my wife and I decided that we needed to have her over to eat more (at least at night) to help her get any kind of variety in her diet.  She gets pigeon-toed into 5 or 6 things that she eats all the time during cleanses like this, eats them at odd times and then tries to stuff almost everything she eats in at night.

She wonders why she is not doing well… well, I have an idea—she knows what the problem is as well as we do I suppose it is just a matter of making sure you don’t give yourself a choice during the day (at least for the 60 day duration of the original program), not sure what we are going to do for the remaining 1 to 2 years if necessary…  One step at a time I suppose.

We had an awesome drink for dessert tonight and I am feeling a little better—I’m not completely convinced I will be whole again (at least where I was before this huge setback) tomorrow, but I am full of hope that I will be well on my way again and with the juice part of the cleanse coming up I am excited for the energy burst that is set to accompany it.

I did forget to mention that with valentines day tomorrow I decided to purchase some beautiful flowers for my sweatie tonight while she was at her class.  I had planned to have a card all ready and to have flower peddles leading to the bedroom (wanted her to be surprised since she would be expecting something tomorrow, but not tonight).  I was able to get the flowers set up for her and had the boys help get their toy room and bedroom straightened up for her, but was not able to do the peddles or the card—there was just not enough night in my plans to make it happen, but she was pleased anyway… Gotta Love My Sweatie!!

Day 35 – A Big Fat Bump in the Road, or a Moment of Clarity?

I figured it was just a matter of time before the positive days turned into at least one negative one.  Well… today was that day—at least for a good part of the afternoon.  It all started out a little rough; my wife got up at 5:15am to go running and I stayed in bed, since I was up so late a few nights ago I felt like I needed sleep a little longer.  I woke up at 6:00am and felt like I could get up but didn’t; so when my bright eyed wife and boys came in at 7:55am I was not to cheery and downright groggy.

It took about 20 minutes before I was feeling pretty good and ready for the day to begin.  We decided to do steel-cut oats as their own thing this morning instead of adding them to our new drink the Cacao-Pow—although we did make a modified version of the Cacao-Pow with a little bit of the M’Lis instant meal as well as cacao, stevia, almond milk and an avocado—it still amazes me how smoothly the avocadoes blend in the blend tec.  Our green drink was the standard every day variety of ours, nothing new or exciting there.

The morning was a little rough and I actually laid down for about ½ hour before making my 4 year old some lunch.  I saw the leftover spaghetti from last night and decided that I would have some of that.  There weren’t enough of the gluten free noodles so I mixed a few of the whole wheat noodles we made for our boys last night—I wasn’t too worried about it because my wife tried them last night and seemed to do fine.  I was a little worried about eating them and almost didn’t but the thought popped in: “stop it! It’s in my head” and down the hatch they went.

Well… I took my 4 year old to pre-school and then stopped by my wife’s class to get some tax paperwork signed and ready to take to our accountant.  As I was visiting with him he asked about the weight I’ve lost and how i’ve done it.  As I was explaining some of the benefits and relief I’ve felt on the cleanse I started to talk about my anxiety being better than I ever remember it, but then realized that I was feeling anxious and even said: “except right now, I am a little more anxious than I have been for a while.”  He told me: “it’s just because you have to come and see me.”  We both laughed and then continued to talk.

As we talked my mood was getting worse, my anxiety was going up and it even felt like I was depressed.  I didn’t think much of it until I was driving home and had the unbelievably strong desire to go to a gas station and pick up my favorite pink sugar cookie—it was as if I hadn’t done the program at all and was just having a pretty bad day.  I even realized it was time to pick my sons up and I was headed home instead of the school.

I then noticed that I felt a little out of it in my head—like earlier in the cleanse—and the fogginess was there again (and it was really strong).  When I got to my wife’s classroom my boys were there but she wasn’t.  It was at that time that it dawned on me… it was probably something I ate and was most likely the whole wheat pasta! which seemed funny because I had already has some bread and tortillas with whole wheat, just no yeast.

I did some quick searching online and found a story of a woman who had eaten some wheat unknowingly in a restaurant (it was mixed with some of the food she had ordered) and immediately started to feel “drunk” as she put it, and also started to feel foggy.  She only realized it after she had sunk into a pretty good depression for a couple of weeks.  This really worried me because there was no way I wanted to be sick for 2 weeks!

I read further and found out that after her little incident she completely fell off of her food bandwagon and started to eat all the junk and sweets—just as I had felt like doing.  All I can say is thank goodness I am married and my wife is onboard and that I spent the money I have to get here; otherwise I may have sunk back into my old ways and felt all the symptoms come crashing back down on me indefinetly.

I was so worried about it lasting a while but, as it turns out it only lasted a few hours (which I contribute to the small quantity of noodles that I ate).  I still am not 100% positive that it was the whole wheat noodles since I tried a new salsa last night and some chips that are OK, but it was the thing that stuck out the very most, so I have flagged all three of those foods (as well as ground turkey because I had also eaten more of that this wee) and will probably wait a while before introducing them again—although I will try the wheat last because of the other food items to give me that feeling then I may just assume it’s the wheat and STAY FAR AWAY!!!  The feeling was that bad I have no desire to feel it gain anytime soon.

We decided that we would just have a huge salad tonight topped with quinoa mixed with avocado, green onions, basil, lemon juice and sea salt.  I was feeling a little skittish about putting any meat or anything that was questionable in our dinner with what I listed.  The flood of feelings only lasted about 3-4 hours, but it was enough to scare me —I have never tried drugs but imagine that the feeling I had was similar to what some experience when they don’t get their “fix” for a while.

Night was good—my mother-in-law came over and we made her some eggs and quinoa as well as a Cacao-Pow with a twist; she loved it and felt like it was more than she had eaten in a while.  She said the food tasted as if she was cheating—I’m not sure what she is eating but I really feel like the only way I can do what I’m doing is to have it taste the way it does; otherwise I would go crazy!

Day 34 – Having a lot of Energy is Really Exhausting!

Today was an extremely busy day, but a good one.  My wife and I decided to make the Cacao-Pow for breakfast this morning along with our drink (standard), which was very quick and good.  The day started off early and tired—partially because I couldn’t get to sleep until 1:00am this morning due to the wandering of my mind.  Even the wandering of the mind though is feeling differently than it usually has.

Usually when my mind wanders at night there is no rhyme or reason to the thoughts that come, when they come in or what order the come in.  However; last night I felt like I was thinking very clearly about specific ideas I have for businesses and how to start to even do some consulting work as an attorney (although I’m not sure I want to practice law full time I do think it would be a good idea to do some consulting work so I can bring in some money while the business start-up is lean and dry).  So even the wandering nature of my mind feels more crisp and clear.

I went to talk to my sister this morning.  Last night my wife told me I needed to call her, but I didn’t and when we were getting ready to go to bed (at close to 11:00pm) she asked if I had and when I said no she wanted me to promise to talk to her today.  When I went over there she was getting ready to take a nap—keep in mind that this is about 8:30am and she hasn’t been awake for that long.  I gave her a big hug and told her that my wife wanted me to see her and she cried a little.

As it turns out she was having an extremely difficult day yesterday and really did need to have the hug and have somebody to talk to.  She probably has the same thing I do and I talked to her about everything I’m doing and how I’m feeling.  She is so worried about me going “extreme” which to me is such a funny term.  “Moderation in all things” is one of the first things she said.  I kind of snapped back (although very gently) and asked if we were to separate the ingredients in a ton of the foods we eat today and line them up whether it would be moderation?

She agreed it wouldn’t be but still is worried about me going extreme.  We talked at length about the progress I’ve made and that she would probably make the same progress if she has the same thing I do. When I asked whether she would do it if she knew it would relieve all her symptoms she actually looked me in the eye and said: “I don’t know.”

What do you mean you don’t know?  I know what point I was at with my symptoms and hers are worse than mine ever were.  I was to a point where I would be willing to have some marine life urine squirt up my nose or some poop cocktail that I would have to eat every day if I knew it was guaranteed to relieve all the symptoms I was feeling.  Thank goodness I didn’t have to resort to that and that I found the diet plan I am on now because I do think it is doing the job.

I got a call from an old friend as I was leaving who wanted to talk about some business ideas I have—he has had his own business ideas for a long time and is running his own business.  We did talk over the phone later this afternoon; as it turns out his business has taken a bit of a hit in current market changes and he is looking to expand.  He has interest in helping with an app idea I have, but we still need to get together to discuss any details and funding, etc. etc.

Lunch was at a fast food restaurant (for the sake of my 4 year old), the only thing they had there that I knew I was safe eating was a side salad, which actually consisted mostly of ice-burg lettuce (which is the most nutrient deficient lettuce out there) and a coupe of tomatoes.  I was still so hungry when I left that I had to go home and cook me an egg to tied me over.

Dinner was AWESOME!! We had some spaghetti with ground turkey meatballs mmm mmm mmm.  It was good stuff (as always when we have spaghetti for dinner I ate too much).  We had a family night tonight that included a trip to Trader Joes (our first time there).  We went with a 20.00 gift card my wife got from a friend at school, but left spending about 50.00 beyond the gift card (yikes! They are almost as bad as Costco).

We found some salsa that does not have vinegar and only has natural ingredients so naturally we had to try it when we got home.  We even found some chips that may be OK, although we are not sure the oil in them is OK, all the other ingredients are fine.  It was good stuff, but it made for a very late night.