Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Day 35 – A Big Fat Bump in the Road, or a Moment of Clarity?

I figured it was just a matter of time before the positive days turned into at least one negative one.  Well… today was that day—at least for a good part of the afternoon.  It all started out a little rough; my wife got up at 5:15am to go running and I stayed in bed, since I was up so late a few nights ago I felt like I needed sleep a little longer.  I woke up at 6:00am and felt like I could get up but didn’t; so when my bright eyed wife and boys came in at 7:55am I was not to cheery and downright groggy.

It took about 20 minutes before I was feeling pretty good and ready for the day to begin.  We decided to do steel-cut oats as their own thing this morning instead of adding them to our new drink the Cacao-Pow—although we did make a modified version of the Cacao-Pow with a little bit of the M’Lis instant meal as well as cacao, stevia, almond milk and an avocado—it still amazes me how smoothly the avocadoes blend in the blend tec.  Our green drink was the standard every day variety of ours, nothing new or exciting there.

The morning was a little rough and I actually laid down for about ½ hour before making my 4 year old some lunch.  I saw the leftover spaghetti from last night and decided that I would have some of that.  There weren’t enough of the gluten free noodles so I mixed a few of the whole wheat noodles we made for our boys last night—I wasn’t too worried about it because my wife tried them last night and seemed to do fine.  I was a little worried about eating them and almost didn’t but the thought popped in: “stop it! It’s in my head” and down the hatch they went.

Well… I took my 4 year old to pre-school and then stopped by my wife’s class to get some tax paperwork signed and ready to take to our accountant.  As I was visiting with him he asked about the weight I’ve lost and how i’ve done it.  As I was explaining some of the benefits and relief I’ve felt on the cleanse I started to talk about my anxiety being better than I ever remember it, but then realized that I was feeling anxious and even said: “except right now, I am a little more anxious than I have been for a while.”  He told me: “it’s just because you have to come and see me.”  We both laughed and then continued to talk.

As we talked my mood was getting worse, my anxiety was going up and it even felt like I was depressed.  I didn’t think much of it until I was driving home and had the unbelievably strong desire to go to a gas station and pick up my favorite pink sugar cookie—it was as if I hadn’t done the program at all and was just having a pretty bad day.  I even realized it was time to pick my sons up and I was headed home instead of the school.

I then noticed that I felt a little out of it in my head—like earlier in the cleanse—and the fogginess was there again (and it was really strong).  When I got to my wife’s classroom my boys were there but she wasn’t.  It was at that time that it dawned on me… it was probably something I ate and was most likely the whole wheat pasta! which seemed funny because I had already has some bread and tortillas with whole wheat, just no yeast.

I did some quick searching online and found a story of a woman who had eaten some wheat unknowingly in a restaurant (it was mixed with some of the food she had ordered) and immediately started to feel “drunk” as she put it, and also started to feel foggy.  She only realized it after she had sunk into a pretty good depression for a couple of weeks.  This really worried me because there was no way I wanted to be sick for 2 weeks!

I read further and found out that after her little incident she completely fell off of her food bandwagon and started to eat all the junk and sweets—just as I had felt like doing.  All I can say is thank goodness I am married and my wife is onboard and that I spent the money I have to get here; otherwise I may have sunk back into my old ways and felt all the symptoms come crashing back down on me indefinetly.

I was so worried about it lasting a while but, as it turns out it only lasted a few hours (which I contribute to the small quantity of noodles that I ate).  I still am not 100% positive that it was the whole wheat noodles since I tried a new salsa last night and some chips that are OK, but it was the thing that stuck out the very most, so I have flagged all three of those foods (as well as ground turkey because I had also eaten more of that this wee) and will probably wait a while before introducing them again—although I will try the wheat last because of the other food items to give me that feeling then I may just assume it’s the wheat and STAY FAR AWAY!!!  The feeling was that bad I have no desire to feel it gain anytime soon.

We decided that we would just have a huge salad tonight topped with quinoa mixed with avocado, green onions, basil, lemon juice and sea salt.  I was feeling a little skittish about putting any meat or anything that was questionable in our dinner with what I listed.  The flood of feelings only lasted about 3-4 hours, but it was enough to scare me —I have never tried drugs but imagine that the feeling I had was similar to what some experience when they don’t get their “fix” for a while.

Night was good—my mother-in-law came over and we made her some eggs and quinoa as well as a Cacao-Pow with a twist; she loved it and felt like it was more than she had eaten in a while.  She said the food tasted as if she was cheating—I’m not sure what she is eating but I really feel like the only way I can do what I’m doing is to have it taste the way it does; otherwise I would go crazy!

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