Day 71 – Begin anew

After my self evaluation last night I thought this would be a new start to the blog—not starting over, but a new resolve to continue and work through the issues that continue to plague our progress and drive.  Breakfast was a great juice—our favorite one: cucumber, ginger, celery, kale, spinach, lemon, lime and romaine lettuce.  We also mixed Steel-cut-oats with amaranth (something I had cut out a few weeks ago but decided to try again this morning).

A bit of a rough morning, but had a pretty good afternoon.  Lunch was quinoa mixed with left over lentils from the other day with fried egg mixed in and put on top of a HUGE salad.  For dinner I thought I would get a little creative and it turns out it may have been too creative.  I bought some rock salt (actually read that water softener salt would probably be OK) then cooked a whole chicken in the middle of a large amount of salt.  I’ve heard great things but I think I may have missed something because it was far too salty for my tastes and actually made me feel like I had to drink a gallon of water later tonight.

We watched a new show on A & E (well actually on their little app you can download from the ipad) called Duck Dynasty.  This show had received great reviews from some of my wife’s friends but it left much to be desired as far as I was concerned.  I’m not sure if it’s because we went to school in the Appalachian Mountains and we lived the show for a few years or because it was just lacking something.  It was funny, but not funny funny… you know what I mean?

I’m acclimating to my new way of life (post herbal bombardment) and am now doing better than I was a few days ago—happy to report that all progress does not seemed to have ceased and I am well on my way to feeling better than I have for at least one week.

Day 70 – One Kale of a Ride!

I just thought that was a nice title.  Breakfast was steel-cut-oats which I added almond milk, a tablespoon of cacao and stevia (about 6 or 7 drops).  Last night was so rough (I didn’t end up getting to bed until after 1:30am) because I had to go get my in-laws at the airport and their plane ended up being late so I ended up laying down for a bit this morning.  Lunch was leftover lentil beans and salad—dinner was almond flour, lemon pancakes.

It’s easy to look at the best of every day and focus on those moments as I write, and I know this is the way I will improve the very most—positive thinking is said to invoke the powers of healing.  You hear it all the time, the more positive you are the better your chances are at succeeding; but, that idea also leaves out the frustrations that come along and when you have other people reading the blog it would be easy for them to think that all is going much better than it really is and may get discouraged when things don’t go the same way for them.

70 days into this cleanse—I use the term cleanse lightly because technically we are done with the cleanse we are just working on figuring out where we are now.  No doubt I feel better now than I did when I started this cleanse but I also have no doubt that I am not doing as well as I thought I would be at this point and quite frankly in the past 5 days or so I have been READY TO GIVE UP!

My wife and I have done searching online (something that is bound to get us into more trouble than it’s worth) and we come across one experience after another where the individual working to clear candida is at it for 3 months, 4 months, one year, 2 years, etc.  Those, however, are not the most frustrating pieces of information we find out there—more than one person has said that when they got a couple of months into the program they just couldn’t do it anymore and had to quit.

Early on in the process I didn’t understand how they could quit if they were feeling as good as I was feeling (I assumed everybody felt as good as me during the first month of the cleanse).  Well… after 70 days of this program I understand what they meant about almost ready to quit.  I’ve mentioned a little of how it felt during my posts over the last couple of days but I didn’t really get into the scope of what I was feeling during that time.

I talk about it now because I think I have just about worked through the slump and am ready to continue this journey, but trust me when I tell you that my wife and I were both almost done!  During the week I stared to have the bad days before my wife (a lot of the my anxiety seemed to be returning, the progress in my ears seemed to be disappearing and much of the exhaustion returned (much to my dismay and frustration).  Well during the first day or two of this my wife was my rock—telling me that it would be fine helping me work through the tough feelings.

I honestly felt like I could cry and wanted to cry.  I had done what I promised myself I would do (and more importantly what I promised God I would do) to try to get better.  I lived the promise to a T, better than any other promise I’ve made in my life, and right after the actual program was finished I not only stopped getting better but seemed to be doing much much worse.  I could not figure out why I would work so hard to have the relief I’ve sought for so long just to have all my symptoms return and be back at square one.  It wasn’t worth-it to me, it wasn’t something I wanted to put myself or my family through.  The whole point of this cleanse was to feel better and be better so that I can better support my family, and I didn’t seem to be able to do that.

The next few days were more difficult—not the symptoms necessarily but the self reflection of where I had been and where I was going.  How would I continue and why would I continue.  I ran and ran so hard last Saturday and seemed to be getting better, but my self pitty was still strong and I was really ready to quit.  My wife was my rock and kept giving me the encouragement I needed.

Well… Sunday morning was just about the breaking point for both of us.  As we were hurrying out the door my wife went to print some papers off the printer and it didn’t work (one of the jets must have gone out on it and the pictures were coming out with a green hue to them).  It was only a few days ago that my 8 year old accidently knocked it off the stand it was on and it crash just about 8 inches or 1 foot to the floor.  My wife needed this thing printed and unbeknownst to me was feeling very stressed out that morning and started to get after my 8 year old.

This isn’t something my wife or I have ever really been big fans of, things break all the time and it may or may not have been something my 8 year old did but the printer was about 5 years old anyway and was probably on the way out to start with.  However, this didn’t stop him from getting a little mouth full which then caused me to give my wife a little mouth full.  We are not yellers but we were coming as close as we have that morning and was really at everybody’s throats (again in our own little ways).

As we got to the church my wife said something (I can’t remember exactly what it was now) but as I got out of my door I said very loudly that I was just ready to go get a huge hamburger with lots of bacon and just be DONE WITH THE WHOLE DIET!  As I walked around the van to open my wife’s door every bit of my spirituality seemed to leave my body and I felt empty.  I opened the door and said to my wife that I didn’t even feel like going to church today.  I’m not sure if our sons heard this part of the conversation but they may have and I feel real bad about it now, but it was what it was at the time.

She agreed that she didn’t want to go and we almost left right there—ready to sulk in our own pitty parties.  Well… it only took about 30 seconds to one minute before coming to our senses and heading into the church.  It ended up being good that we did go in because our frustration quickly melted away and we heard the things we had to hear at that time.  A couple from our congregation spoke to us and the wife told how they had just found out toward the end of last year that her husband had cancer and had seemed to stop responding to treatment and then was given just 4 months from Christmas time to live.

As they talked about this she told how instead of talking about his problems or himself he gathered his whits and told her that he needed to show her how to change the filters in the furnace and show her where the water-shut-off valves were and how his only concern was for her and how she would be doing after he was gone—the whole experience was enough to bring tears to anybody’s eyes and definitely put our paltry little problems in perspective.  How dare we be so pompous and vain as to think our problems are anything.

Well… after church we apologized to each other and then had a great day.  I tell this story for two reasons; first, to say that any problems you think you have they don’t compare to some problems that others deal with on a daily basis and; second, this morning was a time when my wife and I had both lost our cools and we were both very very weak and it almost wrecked our whole progress.

Then the very next day my wife had the worst day she had had in a long time and I was the stronger one.  As she talked to me about her frustrations and as she told me about a blow-up that happened toward one of her teacher friends at school (something she doesn’t do) I had to laugh a little bit inside because I knew how she felt and I knew that it would likely pass as mine was.  But it also taught me something else… I felt like I knew the reason why all those people had quit trying to follow a candida cleanse.  We both had first hand experience at what we would like to call the candida 2-month slump—and ours was a doozy.

Our expectations were set and not met at 60 days and then I think there was an adjustment coming off the program.  First, we are not keeping up on all the herbs we had been taking (it would be far too expensive to continue at that degree), and second, we were dealing with the reality that all our symptoms weren’t gone and we are now facing the very real possibility of this lifestyle creeping into at least 6 months and maybe longer… YIKES, why are we doing this, what are we thinking, is it even worth it?

As I’ve thought about this I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter how many blogs we read out there or even what others say will work for us because it worked for them.  The truth is we don’t know what will work for us and it may not be anything that worked for anybody else.  I tried the sinus flush last week to try to help with my sinuses and felt like it may have been doing something, but then had a HUGE step-back which correlated to the exact timing of the flush so I stopped, but it didn’t feel like it had been working.

That’s what made us decide to have the dinner we had tonight.  There has been a lot of talk about pure maple syrup being no better than sugar, but as we thought about the amount we’ve had during the cleansing process we realize that our bodies were still progressing during those times we were eating the most maple syrup.  So… we decided to have pancakes with pure maple syrup.  I’ve also decided that it does seem like carrots don’t agree with me so that’s something we’re staying away from as well.

The bottom line is the last 4-5 days or so have SUCKED and have made me (and my wife) feel like all this is not worth-it.  But as we pushed through the frustration, using every ounce of will power we have not to cheat, things seem to be getting better once again so our candida cleanse journey continues.  As things work for us we will continue them as they don’t we wont but we will continue this crazy journey… at least a little longer…?

60 West Ontario

This has been by far the longest day of my life and now we are heading in the opposite direction from where we want to go all so we can go to “the Chop.” http://www.chicagochophouse.com/ Even though it was because the other employees wanted to let me experience my first meal from the Number One Steakhouse in America—at least according to the Delta’s in flight magazine—I wasn’t too upset about it, trying to roll with the punches.  It was light when we left South Bend so I got to get a good look around—the thing I remember the very most are the black squirrels I saw running around everywhere.  And these weren’t just any black squirrels… they were HUGE!

I believe we drove past Notre Dame—which is one of my favorite places because of one of my favorite movies (Rudy), go fighting Irish!  Alright, so I don’t really follow them, but I really do love the movie Rudy and for that Notre Dame will always have a special place in my heart.  The drive to Chicago felt long but it was all so new and exciting that I just took it all in.

We did drive through South Chicago on our way into the City.  For somebody who had never really been to a good sized city (at least without others from my family) it was a HUGE change for me.  I had heard about all the “scary” things that happen in South Chicago and even though we only drove through on the freeway I felt a foreboding sense of doom—thinking maybe I was driving into my demise.  This little kid from a small suburb outside of Salt Lake City was headed into the Concrete Jungle… and I was excited!

We had to drive right to the Chop because our reservation was close and we didn’t want to lose our place.  We found the exit right off the freeway, which was actually the block over from Ontario Street (Ohio Street).  After driving a few blocks we saw the general area where the chop should be—there was a big Rain Forest Café we turned left at and then parked in an empty lot about ½ block away from the Chop (which is now a very tall building).

I remember being slightly nervous and afraid as we walked the short distance to the hotel, but again was very excited.  When we entered the restaurant I felt like I had taken a step back through a time warp to another time.  For any of you out there that have been to the chop you’ll know what I mean.  The best I can describe it is as though you were walking into an old Mafia Movie and were waiting for all the big crime bosses to come in and mow the place down at any minute.

As we walked up to the Greeter table the gentleman there looked at me and said: “I’m sorry, but we don’t allow guests in without wearing a collared shirt.”  I made the quick look around and noticed that there was at least one other gentleman in the bar area that didn’t have a collared shirt on—he did however look very successful and was with what looked like a very powerful group of friends.  And here I was looking all of 18 years old (I was 24 at the time) and probably was just a punk.  We were about ready to leave when another gentleman came by and said: “don’t worry sir we have a shirt you can borrow for tonight.

I accepted and we were led to the 3^rd floor to our table.  The whole place had the feel of a mafia hangout—not in a bad way but in a very HOLY CRAP what am I getting myself into kind of way.  We were seated and I went to grab the menu—seeing what I was reaching for Dustin quickly grabbed the menu and said: “oh no, no, no… you won’t be needing a menu tonight.”  Not 2 more minutes had passed when the waiter came and asked for our drink but Dustin said: “Oh… we’re ready to order.”  “OK” the waiter said incredulously, what would you like.

Without looking at the menu Dustin quickly said “we’ll have 2 of your Charred 24 ounce bone in rib-eye steak cooked medium rare.”  Dustin did let me choose my side and I quickly jumped on French Fries—an inkling into why I’m where I am today, FULL OF CANDIDA!  We ordered soda (which I’m sure the waiter as surprised at—hoping we would order some wine or beer) and then we anxiously awaited our order.  Dustin could not stop talking up the experience (he being here just one other time before now and so a bit of a newbie like me).

I don’t think he worried at all about talking it up and he really did not do it justice.  This was my first taste at what would soon make me a bit of a steak-house snob.  As a little side note to this experience it wasn’t too much later that I was on a flight to Tucson Arizona from SLC and was seated next to a gentleman who also said he loved a good steakhouse.  I was excited to learn about anything Tucson had to offer.

He was all sorts of excited to give me the name of a great place in Tucson, and I was very excited to have a place to eat while in Tucson, because—as far as steakhouses go—there was really nothing there that I was aware of.  I was just thinking of pulling a pen out of my bag when he said: “Now it’s no Sizzler… but it’s good!”  I have been a huge Sizzler fan and still enjoyed sizzler, but as far as I was concerned it was no steak house!  I was now use to places like the chop, Ruths’ Chris, Bob’s steak and chop in Dallas Texas and Bone’s in Atlanta Georgia.  This is why I was now a steakhouse snob—but not at this point on my first trip to the chop!

Our salads came along with our bread and drinks and we snacked while we waited for the real deal, the main course, the reason we were there.  As soon as one dish was taken our waiter would take out a little knife and clean off the table cloth with it (making sure to keep all the crumbs off the table).  This was the first time I had experienced something like this at a restaurant and I enjoyed every minute of it!  The waiter came and cleared our salad plates and then did the quick swish swish swish with the knife (man he was fast!) just before the server brought our main dish!

Dustin DID NOT disappoint and neither did the Chop (to this day I have never had a bad meal at the chop and I have been there—in all—about 5 or 6 times over the years, although it has been about 6-7 years since I have been there.  I enjoyed every bit of that tender rib-eye steak and ate it clear to the bone!  Even the fries were tastier here than I remember at any other restaurant I had ever been to.  I felt stuffed but honestly felt like I could down a whole other steak without batting an eye.

As our server brought over the dessert tray (I hadn’t ever really been to many places with a true dessert tray either) I eyed the 6 layer German chocolate cake and just could not resist!  I ordered that bad boy and downed every bit, darn near wanting to lick my plate clean, like I was in a Chuck-O-Rama restaurant or something, but thought better when I noticed all the people (employees) staring in my direction.

Even the bathrooms in this place were unlike anything I had ever seen—the toilet had a little mechanism on it that would pull a new plastic cover over the seat before you sat down to do your business—everything about this new world was something I liked and I knew I was never going to feel the same!  As we were leaving the chop they wanted to sell me the shirt but when I asked how much it was they said--$25.00… to which I responded: “but it’s used?!”  I don’ t think they liked my answer much—I should have just gone for it because when I came back the next time their prices had gone up and I didn’t end up getting it anyway.

I left that restaurant feeling like I had arrived.  A bill came that was more than I had ever seen a meal for 2 people cost and I didn’t have to pay a dime of it—even later I would pay and get reimbursed for my expenses.  I survived my experience at the chop and could not be happier—I was well on my way to becoming a weekly (even bi-weekly) steak connoisseur!

Dustin decided to take me by the sears tower (can’t remember what it’s called now) but you know the building… the one they show in Ferris Bueller’s Day off that they all go to the top of and stare down at the city.  Nothing was open at this point, it was pretty dark but there was still something special about this place—it was quickly becoming my favorite place!  We drove on the Lake Shore Drive, which followed Lake Michigan and saw the pier, which is a huge tourist destination.

Dustin must have been feeling adventurous because he decided he wanted to try to find an entrance to the freeway by heading south on Lake Shore—it didn’t take long before we were well out of the city and we were still not on the freeway—we were really now in South Chicago.  I was trying to act as the navigator—had the dome light on and the map out (days before GPS was standard issue in rentals).  Dustin finally looked at me and said: “Put that map away and turn off the light!”  I guess he didn’t want to look like we didn’t know where we were going as we were driving through what was obviously not a very nice neighborhood.

A few stressful moments passed where I really did think we might end up dead that night, but we didn’t die and soon found an onramp to the freeway to take us to our destination in Muskegon Michigan—and on the road again we went!  This first trip is just an idea into my life (from a food and travel perspective) for the next 5-7 years!   What a great life for me, but what a horrible life for my body!

Day 69 – Better… a Little Better

Today felt much better for most of the day—at least compared to how it’s felt the last couple of days.  We made breakfast easy—steel cut oats (gluten free).  We found out that on Amazon we can get the oatmeal and a few other items cheaper than we can from any local store and even some of the companies own web-sites.  Although we have found that our favorite spaghetti noodles are the very cheapest at Wal-Mart (so we stock up on those every time we go to Wal-Mart.  Anyway… we also had our favorite green juice: celery, spinach, kale, lemon, lime and romaine lettuce.  Although since we are “officially” done with the cleanse.

Morning was rough—energy wise—because I think I’m still trying to recover from my run on Saturday.  It was only 3.68 miles but it KICKED my butt and made me feel like an old man (especially since the pain has only gotten worse since Saturday, I’m hoping tomorrow’s better.  I had lunch with an old law school classmate at a local McDonalds.  I’m not sure whether he knows we’ve been on a diet, but I showed up with my HUGE bowl of salad topped with quinoa leftovers from last night mixed with a little of our favorite green salsa.  One of the other customers looked at me and said: “that doesn’t look like it came from McDonalds!  I assured him it was a new line with a special re-usable glass bowl and enjoyed my meal!

Dinner was a crock-pot meal my wife found online at crockpot365.blogspot.com number 25 “Lentil and Kale Super Food Dinner (thanks for the suggestion!).  It was pretty good although we did fry an egg to put on top of the concoction.  My wife also read today that there is a school of thought on candida that says eggs are VERY good for you and is one of natures perfect foods.  I’ll go back to just being frustrated at all the different ideas and really don’t know what is right and what is wrong.  We’ve chosen our path and feel good about where we are and are hoping and praying that all continues to clear up.

I took my 8 year old to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat tonight at a local community theater—he LOVED it; even saw his dentist who was one of Jacob’s sons.  It was funny because as soon as the show let out he went to where all the actors show up (which is normal for him to do), but guess who the first one was he started to look for?  Yep! He was excited to se his dentist!

My in-laws are coming home from Michigan today (well actually tonight—or more exact very… very early tomorrow morning [about 12:30am]).  I may try to get about 40 minutes of sleep or so before getting the call to drive to the airport.  Day was better today.  Oh, I did forget to mention that I listened to some brown noise or pink noise or something while we slept last night and my ears felt like they were loosening all through my sinuses too.  I’m not sure it was the noise, but it is worth another shot tonight… I’ll keep you posted.