Thursday, February 14, 2013

Day 30 – A Look Back at My Journey so Far

30 days is suppose to be a milestone time for people doing a candida cleanse—I need t talk about how great I feel and the changes I have noticed that I really haven’t posted here.  For as long as I can remember I have had anxiety, which has also included shyness and some panic attacks.  However; more frequently some depression has kicked in (something that I didn’t realize until very recently).

I also didn’t realize how much worse these symptoms were getting.  Generally in the past when I would notice symptoms or they would aggravate me more than normal I would go to the doctor to see what he/she could do (I really did want to know what was going on).  The whole cycle ensued—a bunch of tests some results that show everything is fine and here is another pill, or try to exercise more or try this or that.

In the last 2 years it had gotten so bad that all the symptoms were aggravated and I could not find relief anywhere I looked—and believe me… I’ve looked just about everywhere.  I don’t imagine I’m the only one, but for me there is almost nothing worse than being told nothing is wrong with you, but then have to think then whey can’t I do this or that.  If this is all in my head and my brain and I am in control of my brain and—perhaps more importantly—feel in control of my brain, then WHY CAN’T I FORCE MY MIND TO CHANGE THE WAY IT FEELS!

I’ve mentioned before that I first started to look at diet and decided one year ago to try a more whole foods based diet, but I never really cut out sugar—which seems to be a big culprit in my symptoms.  Since the beginning of the year I have cut out almost all forms of sugars (including fruits, raw honey and stevia).  I was initially very skeptical about how this would work; after all; why would natural fruit sugar be bad?

The results have surprised even me and I wasn’t until I looked back at the beginning that I really understood how much has changed.  My anxiety is almost gone (and this also includes the little panic attacks I would have), the depression is gone or near gone, my energy levels are greater than I ever remember, my prostate issues are subsiding and I have been able to go about 5 nights total (maybe a bit more) without having to get up to go to the bathroom, my sinuses are clearer than ever (I can breath so deep) and one that I didn’t realize is my memory is coming back.

I obviously have a good enough memory to make it through law school and pass the bar but I really have struggled for a long time with remember names and dates (birth dates etc.).  However about 2 weeks ago I was studying for Sunday School and realized that I was more focused than ever and I was actually remembering what I was reading.  What was more is I have some families that I visit with in our congregation and have never been able to remember their kids names (I had a hard enough time remembering the parents names—I would just have to look at the kids names before going in and then I could remember them long enough for the visit).

It was PATHETIC.  Well out of nowhere I looked at the list of names (as I usually would for a visit) and then went in.  I realized that I didn’t have trouble recalling them as I talked with them we even had conversations that day about when each family members birthday was.  When we left I realized that I not only remembered all their names, but their birthdays as well (mom, dad and 3 kids).  I also remembered a list of names of men in our congregation that had to help me (only 5 names).  Now this may not sound like much, but I had not been able to remember more than 3 names from memory of all the men in that particular class and now I was remembering with no problem.

Another “side affect” if you want to call it that, is that I have been more assertive and more decisive.  If there is somebody I need to talk to or something I need to do I just do it.  Before there would be a big anxiety fight about how to go about it, or what I needed to do or reasons not to do something or call somebody (all legitimate reasons in my mind).  But now I realized that I wasn’t hesitating at all.  Some will say—and have said—that this reaction is all in my head.  I’m willing to admit the possibility.

BUT if it is then why hasn’t anything the doctors tried over the last 20 years worked for longer than a day or two, why would my mind choose this to work when I was really just ready to give up and not choose something prescribed by or suggested by the doctor when I REALLY WANTED IT TO WORK.  I started questioning whether I was just being a baby or lazy or was cursed or was just downright weak; but the longer I do this the more I realize—if this is crazy and I feel the way I do then I don’t want to be sane!  I feel like I was finally lead to a path of healing and have been very blessed that my wife and I have been on-board together.

I guess there are plenty of people—mostly men from what I hear—out there that refuse to help their spouse deal with diet changes not believing that it will do anything.  If it supposedly doesn’t work or if there I no evidence then why do people like me feel different and better?  Do we not count as evidence or does evidence just count in medicine when it is something the doctors decide they want to run through trials and to hell with what the quacks in alternative medicine are doing.  Perhaps that is part of what’s wrong with our health care system, we have a bunch of pompous doctors at the head of the organizations making crucial decisions who refused to look upon the staff because of how easy the way feels!

Since we found out we could have eggs we decided to make them this morning and had some toast to go with it—all I can say is MMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMM  MMMMMMMMM!  I forgot how much I love them.  We didn’t let it stop there though we still had the steel cut oats and our green drink same as yesterday.  Busy, Busy day!

Energy was really good day was good and I am truly realizing changes in me that have me feeling like I haven’t felt since I was in high school or sooner—really hard to explain—I really don’t do it justice in my explanation above and it probably sounds crazy, but it is true!

Lunch was a great mixture of quinoa, lemon herb chicken  (just chicken, lemon juice, basil and sea salt) and some avocado mixed together all over a salad!  Some times I feel like I wouldn’t miss eating another fast food item or something with sugar and other times it is all I crave.  We had to go get some strong covers for our iPhones so they don’t get scratched (especially the new iPhone 5!)  Well as we were driving into downtown I started to crave my favorite burger joint and that was all I could focus on—times like those I am glad I went with a program!

Dinner was a wrap and one of our shakes (chocolate M’Lis mixture mixed with almond milk, stevia and cacao powder then blended together with ice).  We went to a high school play tonight so my wife could see some of her former students perform and so our kids could have a great time—both had a ball (and I did to).

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